but this is the condensed version

so all i will say is that, Tyler Tibbs was the first boy that mattered; I loved Wes very much and still think about him just about every time I listen to music or watch a movie I know he would like and am eternally grateful for how much grace and friendship he has given me; I regret dating Danny hahahahaha oh eff; and I lost my virginity to Richie even though by that time he didn't love me and we didn't really like each other BUT he talks to me more than anyone back home and I think I will always worry about his wellbeing more than anyone.

I truly believe that Matt is the last boyfriend I will ever have. He finally got chubby and grew a beard and stopped listening to such crappy music.  He loves me, skanky sweatpants and all. And I love him. I want the best things for all of my friends and all of my ex boyfriends. A part of me will always love you boys, you made me who I am. and I like who I am now. Regardless of the dumb crap I did and the terrible decisions I made. I like myself.

So thank you.

P.S.

Laura Saxton I wish I could have put you on this list because grrrrrrl you fine ; )

my life was plagued with anxiety.

Worriesome little me was prone to panic attacks and nightmares for as long as i can remember.  I always felt a huge burden on my shoulders and the smallest hiccups in my life would throw me into a whirlwind of doubt and high blood pressure.

But now, some how, in some way, for reasons un known to me...it's gone.

I had one last blow up a few weeks ago because of school, relationships, and going to Africa.  And then I took a week and fasted. Yes i went a week living off of juice and prayer. 

After that, my life felt like it had been swept off of the floor and glued back together.  I feel free from everything for the first time in my life.  School keeps me busy, but i manage.  I still have thousands of $$$$ to raise for my trip, but i have faith.  And even though Matt and i still get into a few good heated discussions...i love him and it's working.

It's crazy and i'm not sure what to do with myself now, but i'm focussing on staying like this. I like this feeling.  And if anyone tries to ruin it, I will destroy them